I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
