I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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