i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
