I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
