Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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