I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
