Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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