I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
