the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
