just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
