Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
