he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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