i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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