Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
