there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
