I just saw a hot homeless man
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
