I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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