I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
