did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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