i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i think i have two assholes
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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