the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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