I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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