before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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