You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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