The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Randomize
