Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
