I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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