i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am available for nakedness
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
