It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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