Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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