it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
