I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
