they need to just BURY HIM!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
