Your face is a jimmy john
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
