You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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