Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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