Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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