Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
