: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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