all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
