Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
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I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
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I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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