im six kinds of drunk right now
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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