gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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