On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
