I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
