I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
