It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
