i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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