He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
