i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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