You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
