Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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