I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
