the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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