Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
