Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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