no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
