i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
