Sorry, I don't speak sober.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
