The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
