Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
