you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
