remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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