sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
