Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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