I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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