does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
